Friday 18 April, 2008

A dropped year!

An apology: This is an insanely long post. I have failed miserably in trying to keep it shorter than very long post. 

 

Well! I should be getting ready for yet another rendezvous with yet another end-sem examination. But as it stands, as always, I have left the getting ready part for now. Actually, I am getting ready to get ready for the exams! I’ll put an end to all the ‘frust’ talk right now. I would spend some time (words too) in retrospection of my life in the year I had dropped after 12th.

 

When, the result of JEE-2004 had come, I was obviously disappointed. It was not that I had worked very hard. That I was not going to qualify had been a fact that I had already known much before the result was out. But for some intangible reason, when I watched my rejection written in red on the computer screen, I was very disappointed. It was not the way I had thought I would take it. Actually it was when Mummy started to console me; it sunk in that I was actually acting dejected. I knew I had to take another chance. I also knew that I didn’t want to stay over at home. I and a friend of mine (Chandan) had almost decided that we would be going to Kota. Papa came back from work. He asked me my future plans. I told him about going to Kota. He agreed. I couldn’t believe my ears. I had hoped for some scolding, some questions, anything but not a “theek hai”. He was disappointed for sure. But still all he took was a millisecond to give the green signal. Initially, I was delighted. But soon this delight was replaced by shame. I felt bad that my father was unlucky to have a son like me.

 

Anyways, we made plans. Pretty soon I was aboard Poorva express from Dhanbad without reservation. It was one hell of a journey with infinite rush. Luckily I had Minhas (Papa’s driver) to accompany me. Somehow we reached Delhi, rested for a few hours, met Papa, who had to come there for some official visit and left for Kota. I reached Kota, had a very hectic day, found a couple of rooms (there was another friend, Ashish and 2 of his cousins) and settled down. Early next morning, Minhas was gone. I tried to wipe my specs, and it broke into 2 parts. I was delighted. I couldn’t believe my luck!

 

Time moved on. I gave the entrance test of Bansal Classes (BC). I failed to qualify! It was again running around time trying to find some way to get admitted. Back home I had caught this habit of studying with songs playing on the comp. In Kota I was restless to get a walkman. I ask Papa for one. He asked me to just wait until I get the admission thing fixed. I reminded him again next time I talked to him. Again, he agreed!

 

Somehow, I got admission in BC. Everything was going on fine. I had slowly got into the habit of studying a bit. Then suddenly I fell sick. I remember, feeling dizzy, tired and totally hapless. I used to keep myself covered with blanket with the afternoon "Kota" sun beating on me hoping that fever might go away! After gitting the tests done, I came to know that I had typhoid.  Then came Mummy and Papa! I was delighted to meet them. I took a sigh of relief - “Now everything is going to be all right.” Papa went after a few days. And then began Mummy’s ordeal! She stayed with me. It is actually impossible to write of the troubles she might have faced and hence I’ll just skip it. She left towards the end of December.

 

I returned back to Bokaro around 21st March. Had a couple of very chaotic and upset weeks leading up to JEE, following the demise of Mausaji (he lived next door). I was lucky enough to have cleared JEE. Maybe it was because Mausi had told me: “Achchhe se padho. IIT pakka niklega. Mausa sabko keh diye hain ki tumhara IIT mein ho gaya hai.”

 

Whatever be the case, here I am wasting time just before another end-sem. It would be a perfect irony if I flunk Monday’s paper. (I hope I escape yet again!) Oh no! I am not done. Not quite!

 

Sometime after JEE (I don’t remember exactly if the results were out) Mamaji had called. He was talking to Papa about something related to Kota. Papa was telling him the changes visible in me. He told that I had started eating almost every vegetable. (He can’t even imagine what Kgp has done to me!) He also mentioned something that, I think, I would not be able to forget ever. He told him that on meeting him in Delhi, after the horrible train journey, I had smiled. I overheard him say that, the smile on my face had made him feel proud. (He liked that I could smile even after having a terrible time.) Well! I was delighted. Even today when I think of it, I am delighted. Maybe, it wasn’t all that big a thing. Maybe it was an over-statement on Papa’s part. Who cares!

 

I saw a lot in that one year. I faced adverse situations. I saw world changing in a day. Most importantly, I came to know my parents better. This is, by no means all. I haven't even mentioned of the great time we friends had there. This was mostly a salute to my parents. There are still infinite things that can be mentioned. There would be many I have forgotten and still many more which I wouldn’t have any idea about! I have shouted on them on umpteen occasions. I have been unjust towards them. But, I haven’t ever told them that I love them. Not even once. I don’t think that I ever would. It isn’t required. :)

16 comments:

baachi said...

hmm... ronsin...
so atlast i could find something other than ur frusst moments in ur blog and its very gud i think. I dunno what made u change but i think its a very positive move. Also, i think this post doesn't suite in this blog as u named it as 'A Frust Mind'. So u can only present the things which u earlier used to..find a solution to this for urself and i hope u can...

ronsin said...

@baachi
nothing has changed... :) the mind is what it is - frust and am not going to change it... :D

baachi said...

hmm..ok ur wish..but i feel happy that atleast u wrote about the things u cherish..so even if u don't agree i say there is a little change.. :P

The no-(no non-sense) guy... said...

first of all, hail this great day when i finally decided to show mercy on your humble blog. :P

dude... your parents must be proud of you. and when it comes to disappointing parents, trust me, you have the champion to look at for example. but they are magical creatures. they are always proud of you. and i am totally proud of being a part of your fun moments in kgp.

ronsin said...

@the-no-....
this indeed is a great day!!! now with you weight included, this blog will have much more gravity... :P
thanks a lot!!!

kandy said...

nice post..gud bhaat. few thing i'd like to mention...first of all u never 'drop a year' u always 'live a year'. secondly ur feeling that "my father was unlucky to have a son like me" shows a great deal of pessimism in u. dude u only failed in an exam, didnt commit any heinous crime. only and only parents love unconditionally....rest everything is conditional my friend....
keep blogging...i like to comment on ur posts :)

ronsin said...

@kandy
the year thing was nice... never thought it that way... though i'm not at all sad about the dropped (lived) year...
yeah parents are great... but sometimes i guess you feel really bad... the feeling was not because i failed... but because i didn't try... (not that i changed much later though)
thanks for commenting... will oblige in future... :)

PS: i think you haven't read my last post... otherwise you wouldn't have been so sure about commenting i suppose... :D

kandy said...

ur guilt was justified if u didnt try hard enough :)

Garam Samosa said...

HAIL ROHAN!!! yaar, aaj tak koi blog post padhke itna jyada mann nahi kia tha ki khud ka blog update karen..felt like my own at quite a few places..the acceptance of the feeling of dejection only when getting consoled is one thing i will remember forever too...

Great Post really..i ll update soon on same lines..

Anonymous said...

ye comment khali size par hai.
Kuchh tempo se likhe ho.
Aur Baachi ko kuchh entertain kiye ho.
Aur haan tum farewell speeches se kaafi moved hue ho lagta hai.
Ye hum tumhara farewell, third year speech maan lete hai.

ronsin said...

@garam samosa
really honoured!!! was hoping that u'll ask to slow down the posting again... ;) thanks a lot!!! :)

@rahulmunshi
sirf size pe achchha comment maare ho... farewell waala guess achchha tha... par galat hai... :P

the full blood prince said...

tu ek baat bataa ki tu saal bhar mein kitni baar 'delighted' hua ?!?! =P
and the rest of the comment.. mote ka copy paste kar deta hoon..
'dude... your parents must be proud of you. and when it comes to disappointing parents, trust me, you have the champion to look at for example (mota.. not me.. hehe ). but they are magical creatures. they are always proud of you. and i am totally proud of being a part of your fun (and s**) moments in kgp.'
hello how are !

ronsin said...

@thefoolbloodprince :P
delighted to hota rehta hoon... ab aage se kuchh aur hona padega... 1 hi post mein 5 baar is too much... :(
waise achchha hai credit ke saath taape ho... now my friend, you have become an honourable "taapori" !!! :P
khana kha k jaana haan!

anurag said...

control yaar! itna sara post end sem ke waqt!!

Though a long post but didn't look like one.

Parents are always that supportive and I don't know how do they manage to find something positive out of our every failures.

Hats off to you for clearing JEE in such adverse situations! Bravo!

ronsin said...

@anurag
padhai nahi karne ka mann karta,,, mov dekhne mein guilty feeling hota hai... to blog likh liye... kaafi dinon se mann tha... :D
regarding the JEE bit... Life is Beautiful... ;)

Genie said...

superb..specially the last few lines...I feel the same way