A blast a day keeps peace away...

I am sorry for a very depressing post. Actually, the way things have been going for the last few days, I couldn't have come up with anything better. My life has been paused since the end of mid-sem. I have done nothing more remarkable than gulping down quite a few cans of Amul Coco. As always this post is also being written with the aim of me making myself feel a bit better.

Hopelessly bad as I am, I am again stuck with blabbering a bit more on the blasts, that have been carried out with terrifying regularity. These terrorists are definitely getting under our skin. We seem to have resigned. A few hours ago, when a friend brought the news of the latest blasts, the collective reply of the others was total resignation. I guess, we have started taking these blasts as daily routine. A thing we should get used to!

Everybody thinks that there is a significant probability of his/her being blown of by some bomb placed to kill some and terrorize others. The sad part is that we seem to have been caught unaware. Worse still is the fact of in this time of crisis, we find reasons to fight among ourselves instead of concentrating on our collective enemy. The common people are blaming politicians, policemen. The politicians console us and seem to be doing nothing. The police is being accused of staging a false encounter (a charge which, to my knowledge, hasn't been conclusively proved to be false!). The hooligans of all kind are making all sorts of hues and cries. Some party comes out with ideas of stricter laws. The other comes with the idea of a federal agency. Still another is busy appeasing the minorities. Religious heads come out making statements which they have no right to make!

Integrate all these different incidents over different places and time and you'll get a very very bleak picture. The regularity of these blasts must be giving confidence to the trouble-makers. Sadly, all that I do is argue, debate, accuse the politicians and write a blog. Probably you also do something equally positive. Sadly there are too many people doing similar things. Sadly the bombs don't differentiate between people of different religions. Sadly India is dying with each of these blasts.

In the name of God

Phew! There seems to be an extended Diwali celebrations going on throughout this year. What with so many bombs going off with unnerving regularity. These death mongers have really been up to something; making my uninterested self take note of their progress. The striking feature is that the excuse (reason) specified for the mayhem is religion. Another aspect is the sheer number of occurrences of such mayhems. The aforementioned number is so huge that I can’t help questioning the need for religion(s).

To keep things simple, if one applies the ‘na rahega baans na bajegi bansuri’ proverb to the grave situation at hand and somehow takes baans(religion) out of the picture, one would be led to believe that the resulting pandemonium can be got rid of. However, the proverb is no equation; nor is the problem of any mathematical nature. (I’m sure mathematicians would argue otherwise.) Still, assuming, for the time being, the (absurd) solution to be a correct one, if I decide to declare religions null and void, as a responsible arbiter, it is my duty to delve into the coming into existence of religions in the first place. I guess such a brain-churning operation would lead to clarity with regards to the concerns of the pro-religion group(s).

From my most-likely skewed perception and line of thinking, I consider the only reason why men started worshiping God(s) is that there was far too many things that they did not understand. A possible example is as follows. Rains helped people in farming. Whenever there was lack of the same, people must have missed it. That’s when they would have looked up at the sky and hoped that it would rain. Slowly, with time, they would have started directing these hopes and pleas towards an entity which we today commonly refer to as God. With time, this would have spread to their other fields of interest also. Whenever people found themselves helpless they now had someone to bank upon. Someone to look up to. Someone to thank. Someone to blame. At different places, people would have got different ideas and they might have made different stories about the super-heroic deeds of God(s). Thus many different religions would have been born. Different in name and customs, but same (I hope) in the underlying ideas.

The above paragraph pains quite a rosy picture. Religion seems to be the most harmless thing on earth and the biggest boon to mankind. It helps you weather the storm when the going is tough. Also, it helps you keep your feet on ground in times of success. How did this boon become a bane? The problem lies in the fact that there are a few zealots with even further skewed perceptions than mine. In a country as huge as India, people have to tear down a mosque to build a temple. People want a new country so that they would not have to live with infidels. If a Hindu kills a Muslim or vice-versa, it’s taken to be an attack of one religion on another. While religion should have made ones life better/easier, sadly these zealots think that ones life should further the cause of a religion. How does one(other than the powers that be) benefit with more people/places of worship of his/her religion is simply beyond me!

I guess at a time when super-heroes are in, there needs to be some Religion-man to subdue these fanatics. Till then three cheers to killing and dying in the name of God!

arbit

Coldplay is “singing loud and clear”. I am all confused, consumed and lost. No-one has confused me. I am lost sitting in my room. I know I’m not making much sense. I can’t help it. I’m helpless. To be frank, I’m quite hapless too. If God will send his angels, they will shudder. I love winamp. It’s playing coldplay songs one after another. I know these people never meant to cause me trouble. I’m too tiny a being for them to be troubling me. However there seems to be a lot of trouble in this world. God, I’m damn confused! I might well be a lunatic roaming about freely just because no-one cared to take me to a psychiatrist. Someone beat an empty bottle of water against my door. I wonder who it might have been. I wonder which song was it in which the singer sang “I wonder”. There are many more lunatics roaming around freely. The song is “Lemon tree”, by the way. An excellent song! Many more; and of much worse variety! I have been reading about a McMurphy, a fellow lunatic. I’m quite a slow reader. Right now, I don’t feel like reading. I’m writing. The lunatics fight. They are all around. They find a reason to fight. There are the bigger lunatics and the smaller ones. For some fighting is killing others. For others it may be outdoing others. For others it may be solving the jumble inside head. God knows if there is anyone who is at peace. God is also reason for many of the fights. So is country. So is money. So is ones well-being. Yet another coldplay song pleads: “Everything is not lost”. It can’t be. If everything is lost there would be no more fights. India won a gold medal and lost a test series. Kabhi khush kabhi gham was a terrible movie. I liked it though. If there would be no fights, would I be happy or sad? No answer. We are all elitists and egotists. We find some valid reason for our mistakes. While for others we find the harshest of words. “What if” is another coldplay song. What if we started looking through others’ eyes? I guess we’ll start killing ourselves.

I dream...

I dream of the day i would be dead
Not mourning, rejoicing instead
Rejoicing why? I don't know yet
But hope to find out once I'm dead.

Not that this life I do not like
Nor am i sad, haven't found a wife
Still this thought in my mind lingers
I'd be better off in death's fingers

Yes, I know, I am still young
And many years I'll be among
Life beyond life, what would it be?
No more pretending to be free

Sure there is sorrow, trouble all around
But I keep my peace, cursing the crowd
"I am very happy", to myself I say.
This too is as false as hearsay

"Free me of this sorrow, free me of this pain"
I send this prayer, though the prayer train
God says: "Of sorrow and pain, you'll sure be freed
But i will have to take your life as freeing fee..."

A dropped year!

An apology: This is an insanely long post. I have failed miserably in trying to keep it shorter than very long post. 

 

Well! I should be getting ready for yet another rendezvous with yet another end-sem examination. But as it stands, as always, I have left the getting ready part for now. Actually, I am getting ready to get ready for the exams! I’ll put an end to all the ‘frust’ talk right now. I would spend some time (words too) in retrospection of my life in the year I had dropped after 12th.

 

When, the result of JEE-2004 had come, I was obviously disappointed. It was not that I had worked very hard. That I was not going to qualify had been a fact that I had already known much before the result was out. But for some intangible reason, when I watched my rejection written in red on the computer screen, I was very disappointed. It was not the way I had thought I would take it. Actually it was when Mummy started to console me; it sunk in that I was actually acting dejected. I knew I had to take another chance. I also knew that I didn’t want to stay over at home. I and a friend of mine (Chandan) had almost decided that we would be going to Kota. Papa came back from work. He asked me my future plans. I told him about going to Kota. He agreed. I couldn’t believe my ears. I had hoped for some scolding, some questions, anything but not a “theek hai”. He was disappointed for sure. But still all he took was a millisecond to give the green signal. Initially, I was delighted. But soon this delight was replaced by shame. I felt bad that my father was unlucky to have a son like me.

 

Anyways, we made plans. Pretty soon I was aboard Poorva express from Dhanbad without reservation. It was one hell of a journey with infinite rush. Luckily I had Minhas (Papa’s driver) to accompany me. Somehow we reached Delhi, rested for a few hours, met Papa, who had to come there for some official visit and left for Kota. I reached Kota, had a very hectic day, found a couple of rooms (there was another friend, Ashish and 2 of his cousins) and settled down. Early next morning, Minhas was gone. I tried to wipe my specs, and it broke into 2 parts. I was delighted. I couldn’t believe my luck!

 

Time moved on. I gave the entrance test of Bansal Classes (BC). I failed to qualify! It was again running around time trying to find some way to get admitted. Back home I had caught this habit of studying with songs playing on the comp. In Kota I was restless to get a walkman. I ask Papa for one. He asked me to just wait until I get the admission thing fixed. I reminded him again next time I talked to him. Again, he agreed!

 

Somehow, I got admission in BC. Everything was going on fine. I had slowly got into the habit of studying a bit. Then suddenly I fell sick. I remember, feeling dizzy, tired and totally hapless. I used to keep myself covered with blanket with the afternoon "Kota" sun beating on me hoping that fever might go away! After gitting the tests done, I came to know that I had typhoid.  Then came Mummy and Papa! I was delighted to meet them. I took a sigh of relief - “Now everything is going to be all right.” Papa went after a few days. And then began Mummy’s ordeal! She stayed with me. It is actually impossible to write of the troubles she might have faced and hence I’ll just skip it. She left towards the end of December.

 

I returned back to Bokaro around 21^st March. Had a couple of very chaotic and upset weeks leading up to JEE, following the demise of Mausaji (he lived next door). I was lucky enough to have cleared JEE. Maybe it was because Mausi had told me: “Achchhe se padho. IIT pakka niklega. Mausa sabko keh diye hain ki tumhara IIT mein ho gaya hai.”

 

Whatever be the case, here I am wasting time just before another end-sem. It would be a perfect irony if I flunk Monday’s paper. (I hope I escape yet again!) Oh no! I am not done. Not quite!

 

Sometime after JEE (I don’t remember exactly if the results were out) Mamaji had called. He was talking to Papa about something related to Kota. Papa was telling him the changes visible in me. He told that I had started eating almost every vegetable. (He can’t even imagine what Kgp has done to me!) He also mentioned something that, I think, I would not be able to forget ever. He told him that on meeting him in Delhi, after the horrible train journey, I had smiled. I overheard him say that, the smile on my face had made him feel proud. (He liked that I could smile even after having a terrible time.) Well! I was delighted. Even today when I think of it, I am delighted. Maybe, it wasn’t all that big a thing. Maybe it was an over-statement on Papa’s part. Who cares!

 

I saw a lot in that one year. I faced adverse situations. I saw world changing in a day. Most importantly, I came to know my parents better. This is, by no means all. I haven't even mentioned of the great time we friends had there. This was mostly a salute to my parents. There are still infinite things that can be mentioned. There would be many I have forgotten and still many more which I wouldn’t have any idea about! I have shouted on them on umpteen occasions. I have been unjust towards them. But, I haven’t ever told them that I love them. Not even once. I don’t think that I ever would. It isn’t required. :)

FAT(E)al

Why did I clear JEE? If someone had asked this question about three years ago, back then, I would have told - to study. If the question pops up now, I would probably say - to forget studies and secure a decent future. Maybe 5-10 years down the line, if someone happens to ask me this same very question, the answer, I’m sure, is going to be starkly different. I feel my reply then would most likely be: “To watch movies…”

 

Oh no, all you people out there (in front of your respective computer/laptop screens), don’t you dare write it off as yet another thoughtless blabbering. In fact, all of you should commend me for this. Yeah, you for sure can’t figure out any genius here right? Well, sample this:

“You know, when I had sailed off in “The Pursuit of Indya”, I was very much hopeful of finding it. But little did I know then that God had different intentions. God was actually guiding me towards America...”

-          Christopher Columbus

(Discovery of America Speech – 1517)

 

Still didn’t get it? Come on! All right, all right! I am explaining. Christopher Columbus needed almost a quarter of a century to realize that God was playing a game with him. That all the glory and fame was just his destiny! And here I am, right in front of my laptop screen, in full consciousness knowing what God has been doing with me.

 

Why are all of you so blank? I can't believe it. What, you still don't get it? Well, all that I am trying to get into your thick-as-a-wall head is this: I have cracked God’s/Gods’ code. Well, it is not exactly “the code”; but it most certainly is a small sub-program/function, of “the code”, which takes care of the days I spend in IIT. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I hereby confirm that I now know what exactly this/these God/Gods are trying to do. I know this right now when He/She/They is/are all busy playing this very game with me.

 

Yes! finally you all get it, right? Don’t even dare say “No”! ;)

Food and Hunger

I have been living. Since 21 years and a few months I have been continuously living. God! I have done one heck of a job! I know there are infinite no of people who have done much better than myself and will keep doing. Nevertheless, that doesn’t take anything away from me. I have made most of the time available to me! I mean, I couldn’t have lived even a femtosecond more than I’ve been able to live. ;)

I think. Yes, sometimes, I think. I think of my life, its purpose, worth and related stuffs. Generally, the conclusion is that I am the best. Not as in “better than Albert Einstein”. But the best form of Rohan Singh possible. I am a person who is obsessed with “mediocrity”. I have never worked hard for anything in life. I might have fared “better” on umpteen occasions. I lack the killer instinct so very essential for survival in the cut-throat competition of this world. I, very sincerely, feel that I have been very lucky to have had all the various experiences of my life. Be it the bigger joys or the smaller trivialities or the greatest disasters. But, I am happy. I am satisfied.

Yes, dad says that this is the reason I don’t do well enough. I pacify myself by telling that this is the reason I’m happy. (Dad wants me to work hard; I in turn ask him to maaro peace a bit. Both would do well to pay heed to each other. But the stubborn father-son duo that we are, we only end up giving mom some more things to worry about.) I do realize that this situation might not last forever. I fear that I might run out of this luck. I dread that someday I would look back into my life and find opportunities lost, chances missed and dreams shattered.

Well, again I don’t do much about it either. I just hope that whenever that day, that moment arrives; alongside the lost opportunities, missed chances and shattered dreams; I find some successes enjoyed, some laughs had and some food eaten. :D

विचारधारा

I am here yet again, with nothing specific on my mind. Or should I say nothing at all but for the intent of writing yet another post! Yes, it definitely is too soon for another post. But then what’s the point if I don’t blog when I just cannot think of doing any other thing. I had planned to pen something down in my diary to save you all the trouble of going through this, but ditched that idea.

I happened to watch Bommarillu for the 2^nd time tonight. It is a great movie. It had inspired me, though temporarily, to write something about 'love'. Thought I would also share my ingenious thoughts on the subject. May be, a third person's viewpoint. ;) I had even thought about some “great” lines. For example: “Love is all around us. Apart from the usual form of love, there are other forms which we do not usually call love. Like hatred might be seen as negative love, absence of love as imaginary love.” Thank god better sense prevailed!

Actually, I shy away from talking of my feelings. Somehow I am very uncomfortable with it. Laugh and shout as I may, I am still very much an introvert. All is fine until someone asks me, “So this is what you think. Interesting! May I know why?” This is the situation I don’t ever want to be in. I have always had a problem explaining myself to others. So, the best thing according to me is to prevent that uncomfortable question from being thrown at me. And the best way to achieve this is to prevent the question from popping inside the would-be question poser’s head.

Enough of confessions! The introvert inside me is awake again. Hence I once again take leave. Actually, I could have blabbered a lot more as usual. For a change, I have decided otherwise. Why? That I wouldn’t tell you! :P

We'll miss you sun!!!

Disclaimer: This is a very narrow-minded take on the subject of cosmology (a science which according to me deals with knowing a lot of things which we do not have any business knowing). Please do forgive me if you feel offended. I must admit that my dislike for the subject of cosmology is entirely due to the fact that I do not have brains enough to understand all the maths involved.

I have been thinking of updating this blog for quite a few days now. What better time than now, when exams are going on and you have a couple of days to cool your heels. (It’s quite another thing that I’m not always heating them up all the time!)

Now, I have always had this problem of finding a thing about which I could write. I mean, I’m really amazed at how all my friends get all those interesting things to write about. Also damn determined I am not to “makhao” the way I have on previous occasions. This time it’s going to be a totally new way hitherto unexplored in the entire blogging history! So I’ve decided that I will write about an article that I read today in TOI.

It wasn’t one hell of an interesting subject. In fact it is a subject in which I have no interest at all.Nevertheless, I spent some time thinking over it. It was mentioned very seriously that the earth would be evaporated by the expanding sun. In 7.6 billion years! This piece of information left me completely shattered. Seriously, whenever I think of the future, I think of the earth of 8.21 billion years from now. I mean how does it affect any person whether it dies out in 7.6 billion years or 5.4 billion years or a petty 4 million years? They go on to explain all the unfortunate things that might occur during this withering of our dear mother earth. I suspect they have been bought by some life insurance company. I mean this piece of valuable information could be used by someone living in earth of (7.6 million – 30) years to have an insurance to cover the losses in case the earth is all burnt up. And finally when nothing happens whole world will know by 7.6 billion years + 1 day that all of this was a hoax.

The article does not stop here. It goes on about several ways through which we could avoid this great imminent disaster. It talks about some small correction in the orbit of earth every couple of hundred of years finally taking it beyond the reach of the infinite heat of the enlarging, albeit dying sun.

I sincerely hope that our dear cosmologists and astrophysicists do save the earth. However, I have just one small doubt. What would happen after the sun dies? Can we afford to leave our future generations without a sun? Can’t we have some method of replacing the batteries, or may be make a new sun altogether. In that case we could also design it so that it stays at its place and does not keep growing! Better still, we could design some small pocket suns which each individual could carry and use whenever one wants to. ;)

PS: After quite a lot of fighting and exchanging curses with my dearest dep-mate Rahul Vasudev Nair K., I admit that what I have mentioned as cosmology in the disclaimer, actually belongs to the domain of astrophysics. This is to highlight how good a Physics student I am!